11

The flashback faded… I was sitting on Aditya’s bed, almost numb. The pain was so intense that it made me numb. I preferred being numb. No pain… it was just nothing. I was alive but probably lost in memories. In another world, as Nafisa had just said. I had spent an entire week silent. When Rehan told me, I slapped him hard. Piyush pulled me back from the room to avoid creating a scene. Moments later, I heard Isha and Mum scream in the room. I had to break free Piyush’s grasp to run into the room. I was only there a second but the sight I witnessed in that second took away my life. Piyush rushed into the room to take me out and I did struggle but there was no life left in me. I was just a body. One whole week… no food… no water… no tears. Piyush and Nafisa took me to doctor Sharma (our family doctor). He told them if I did not respond soon, I might die… Nafisa and Piyush kept reminding me of Adi’s death. Told me my Adi wont be back… and all sorts of things. They made me hear them. Accept that Adi wasnot around me. He shall never be… After a few days of trial, they were successful. Nafisa cried the whole night with me. Piyush says crying is not a boy thing, but I know he went to his room only to hide his tears. Nafisa’s tears faded overnight. But mine continued till hours after dawn. She would never leave me alone for I wanted to die. I really wanted to. But she did not let me do anything. Hours passed and the tears changed to pain… it started as a headache and then spread to my entire body. The ache was very severe. It did not let me do anything. I found numbness as the only solace. And so, just to avoid that pain, I remain numb these days.

There was some pain still… which meant I could still think and do something. I knew I had to. I couldnot just sit my entire life. I had decided that there was no point but now that life is there, I need to make it not miserable for others. I looked around the room. Aditya’s room. I remember how he had collected each and ever poster that hung on the wall… his study table – it still has his timetable… his shoes are lying in the corner with socks stuffed into them… his basketball is as usual on the chair. His cupboard hasnot been done for more than a month. The clothes he last wore hang behind the door… His computer had a thick dust layer…

Aditya liked to meet people on the internet and play games. He was a total gamer. There was a time when he would spend all his pocket money in play stations and then ask me and Isha to help him the entire month. I didn’t like the computer covered with dust and I started cleaning it. Don’t know what made me do this, but I switched it on and sat in front of it. I connected the internet and signed myself in by yahoo messenger and him by windows live. Thanks to yahoo and Microsoft, we were still on each other’s list inspite of using different email providers. There wasn’t a day when we did not talk to each other. And everytime we faught, we would chat for hours. Our fights were not talking to each other as Isha had told us once. We could always chat and we did. Talking to each other like talking for the first time. Giving our introductions, flirting and deciding to meet sometime later. I stared at the screen. I loved to see him online on my list. I was smiling. Some of Aditya’s friends were online too and they buzzed as they were surprised to see him online.