12:40 AM
I knew I had tears when Adi wrote it for I was crying the entire night… that night and I had tears now too! It was more than 15 days passed since I found Adi’s diary. Almost 2 months since life decided to desert me. There were just 2 reasons I was living for. One, Adi and I had dreamt of a world with our families. Adi’s untimely exit left them devastated too and I know Adi wouldnot want me to desert them. Not right now. I needed to once again do what Adi should have been doing – being here for them. Second, I had promised Adi and so did he promise me that we will spend our lives together and die together. I tried whatever but death doesn’t find me its dear one. Now I am here, I found the diary, found myself closer to mum and Isha, then I guess there certainly must be a reason for this life. Whatever the reason was, I am not hunting that, I just know I had to play along. It was not a choice but a condition put.

Adi’s diary helped a lot to put a brave face. Especially when every morning I type the password to the folder and diary, ‘Namrata’ and ‘NimsI<3u’ respectively… somewhere a weird strength to pull myself along for the rest of the day comes. I have learnt to comb my hair daily and tie them. I put on clean clothes. I can make food without burning myself or the food, I can listen to all Isha has to tell me, I can listen to all mum tells me, I started atleast revising my old notes but somehow when each day I shut down the computer, switch off the lights and cuddle Adi’s pillow into my arms, I cant stop the pain. Each night is the same scenario. I cry until I sleep. I am here filling for Adi’s absence in so many lives but my life is empty without him and there is no replacement actually.

I am angry. On myself, on Adi or on destiny, I don’t know.

It was my last birthday with Adi around. It was also our 6th anniversary together. Adi had asked Pappa and then we had been out to a late night dinner at the Le Meridian on the eve of 22nd. We danced till there was any energy left in either of us. There was all my favourite food lying on the table but I just rested my head making some space and kept smiling. When I raised my head, Adi wasnot sitting across me… he was on his knees with the same ring in his hand. He must be sitting there for sometime now because all eyes had turned towards us. I was definitely out of words.

Adi – “Nims… say something..”

I opened my couth but no words came out…

Adi – “Nims… speak yaar.. my knees are hurting”

Everyone laughed but I had tears in my eyes. I went on my knees too, to face him and looked at him in the eyes. I held his hand with the ring in both my hands. He was surprised to see me down and wanted me to get up but I just wouldnot.

Me – “I take this ring just on one condition..”
Adi – “What is that?”
Me – “Be there for me and with me always”

Adi smiled and he placed the ring gently on my finger. We broke instantly into tears and then a hug. It seemed like eternity that we were holding each other. And he then silently whispered into my ears…

Adi – “I will be there always. With you.. for you.. I promise. Even if it will be the only thing I do in my life.”

Remember Adi.. you promised.. promised to stay besides me forever… then where are you now? He remembered every promise he made… then why not this one?

We had been like this since he started college. Ofcorse it took us initial two months to actually realise what was happening to us, but once we did, people called us the ‘inseparable ones’. We would talk for hours; he would escape from his hostel at night so we could have dinner together.
But it wasnot so simple after all. When Adi had left, for many days I couldnot help crying. Mum would also see me crying sometimes when I would sit with her. Isha was also silent for few days. The house was definitely out of life.

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