Dated : September 12, Noon

12:34 PM
Not a moment longer and I am well serious this time. Not a single moment I am going to stay in this castle. Not anymore. Getting up daily and preparing myself to see that Potter boy wasnot enough that now people have started calling him 'true son of James Potter'. Harry Potter comes in front of me as a perfect picture of my Lily with James. The most beautiful eyes of this world when embeded into the face I loathe.. makes it difficult to survive. And Harry got a hundred reasons to be in front of me and on top of that stare me.

I tried many times to just see the eyes staring me. The thought gives alot of happiness... having Lily to stare at me again. Just like she used to do when we were in our first year. Lily would look at me whenever she found herself stuck with anything. I knew what was on her mind. No not through Occulumency. I never entered her brain.. I could just feel her heart beat. She would stare at me and I would meet her outside the hall immidiately. I remember on her first night, some senior Slytherin girl had called her Mudblood and others started laughing at her. Lily didnot know what a mudblood was but she felt the embarassment. The next morning, I never had breakfast. Lily came late for the breakfast and her eyes were still having tears. I kept looking at her. My heart ached. I couldnot think what was so terrible to make the most beautiful creation of God shed tears. People at the Gryffindor table tried to cheer her up but she wasnot still good friends with anyone of them. As soon as we were allowed to leave, I left the hall and waited near the stairs. Lily had to go up the stairs but she knew I would be waiting for her. She came to me and I asked her what happened? But she didnot reply. Instead she walked out of the castle and I went with her. She walked in silence all through the grounds and once we were by the Lake, she stopped.
A fresh tear shook her eyelashes.

'Dont cry Lily.' was all I could mutter. My eyes had a tear too and anger to who could have done it. Lily lifted her gaze to match mine and innocently asked 'What is a mudblood? Why am I one? and why do people hate me if I am one?'

Her words struck like thunder upon me. Not because she was upset but more because I had too called a few Gryffindors Mudblood the last day. Slytherins enjoyed that. That's our way of superiority.. the Pure Bloods are the rulers. Half Bloods like me have to listen to them. We do what they say but outside we are the rulers. Rulers to the Mud Bloods. Guilt built up in me. I explained Lily what a mudblood is but I found no words to tell why is it humiliating. and I found myself saying

'they are mad to say such stupid things. Mudbloods, sorry I am wizards with non - magical background, are just as able as a pure blood can be. Indeed Pure Bloods are nasty'

I can bet on anything that if a pure blood had heard me, I wouldnot have had been surviving till date. But then I told Lily what I had done. She was as kind as ever and said

'Severus - you are good. Dont do it again. Please for me'

and I havenot used the word 'mudblood' ever since then. Ofcourse I am writing it here but never written it for anyone or spoken. And I shall never either, in future.

But this time... these eyes arenot innocent. I find James staring at me and laughing how he won everything from me. He won the battle against the Dark Lord, though he is dead - he is still a hero, he gets the girl, his son carries his name ahead like a hero and the Potter family is much for famous as the greatest wizards of all time!

I finished my first lecture of the day with third years and went to the staff room when Blaise comes running to me. He said 'they found the seeker' ... Harry Potter is the new Gryffindor seeker and since then all I have heard is how GREAT HARRY POTTER IS ... HE HAS INHERITED HIS FATHER'S CHARM IN QUIDDITCH ... HE IS A NATURAL ... AN INBORN TALENT ... ITS JUST LIKE HAVING JAMES BACK ...

Seeing it alone wasnot enough that now the whole world could see it's JAMES? If you say I am escaping.. yes I am. But I agree I am guilty of the mistake I did but having to face it daily shouting that I lost and I did a blunder.. isnot it alot as punishment. Please Lily, forgive me

'I am sorry odour'
Severus...

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