17
Finally I felt happy. I thought that I had done some good job for a day. When I was done cleaning the house, I switched on the computer and immidiately opened the diary. But before reading, I opened the reminder application and replayed the last recorded message. I heard his voice again. Chill went down my spine. I suddenly felt cold. I wanted your arms to protect me out of this cold but then I remembered that those arms wont do so ever again. Hastily I wrapped my arms around myself. And just then I heard –
“Nims is feeling cold again?”
I looked around to see where he was… no where… but then why did I keep hearing him and feeling him all around me. How did the voice always know what to say? The voice wasnot in my brain. It was real. Then I saw it. I hadnot closed the reminder application and this was the message before the last one. The message made me wonder if Adi knew his fate. How come he made a perfect guideline for me? Did Adi know he was going to die? Wasnot it an accident but planned?
I stared at a long while for Adi to continue speaking but he didn’t. Everytime there was some hope in me, something happened that left my world devastated. Right now I had no idea if I were to be happy or sad. A month back, I lost my life and now I think that Adi knew he was leaving me. Then my phone rang. It was Nafisa. I took the phone. Isha had apparently told her about the voice messages on Adi’s computer and she asked me if I were still listening to it and I told her all that I heard and felt.
I could hear that Nafisa did somewhere have her doubts but she kept reassuring me that Adi spoke all that out of care and his death was just an accident. It wasnot anything more than a case of hit and run.
I sat staring the screen of the computer. Eventually a tear would drop. Then it started to get darker. It then came to my thoughts… two days before his accident when I sat in Adi’s room, the AC was set to full and I was feeling cold. Adi was doing something on his computer and that was when he had asked me “Nims is feeling cold again?” … It was the last time we had talked that way. I had brought to show him my new Chemistry project on analysis of various items and was reading it out to him. But the chill made me shiver and that could be heard in my voice. Adi listened silently for long and then he just turned back randomly and asked the question. I was rubbing my palms together out of cold. Then Adi stood up and came to me. He touched my forehead to check for fever but there wasnot any.
Adi – “How can you feel cold in such horrible heat?”
Me – “zhahzhahhadda…” I just kept breathing from my mouth feeling cold…
Adi – “there is something wrong with you… wait let me get the thermometer.”
I caught his hand and shook my head.
Me – “You AC has set the room temperature to be 21… am I not supposed to freeze?”
Adi – “no..”
I smiled remembering the exact way he had spoken… just like I had smiled then. A very simple and honest – NO!
Me – “Aren’t you feeling cold?”
Adi was sitting in front of me on the bed and I was still holding his head. To the question, Adi reached for my second hand and now all four palms were caught together pressing each other. He shook his head and then slowly said…
Adi – “Not until you are there with me.”
Probably this is what I miss most about Adi. Why can’t I express myself with the ease he did? He seemed to know the exact time when to speak something and he spoke it perfectly. The timing and the way he spoke his words… also the way he chose them… made you remember his words forever. The time when he had spoken those words, it made the smile fade for a moment to be replaced by love in the eyes. I hugged him and he hugged me back. But that day seems so long lost. Like it was in some previous birth. I knew today I would decline the entire world’s wealth for that one hug but it was the only thing I wasn’t getting!
“Nims is feeling cold again?”
I looked around to see where he was… no where… but then why did I keep hearing him and feeling him all around me. How did the voice always know what to say? The voice wasnot in my brain. It was real. Then I saw it. I hadnot closed the reminder application and this was the message before the last one. The message made me wonder if Adi knew his fate. How come he made a perfect guideline for me? Did Adi know he was going to die? Wasnot it an accident but planned?
I stared at a long while for Adi to continue speaking but he didn’t. Everytime there was some hope in me, something happened that left my world devastated. Right now I had no idea if I were to be happy or sad. A month back, I lost my life and now I think that Adi knew he was leaving me. Then my phone rang. It was Nafisa. I took the phone. Isha had apparently told her about the voice messages on Adi’s computer and she asked me if I were still listening to it and I told her all that I heard and felt.
I could hear that Nafisa did somewhere have her doubts but she kept reassuring me that Adi spoke all that out of care and his death was just an accident. It wasnot anything more than a case of hit and run.
I sat staring the screen of the computer. Eventually a tear would drop. Then it started to get darker. It then came to my thoughts… two days before his accident when I sat in Adi’s room, the AC was set to full and I was feeling cold. Adi was doing something on his computer and that was when he had asked me “Nims is feeling cold again?” … It was the last time we had talked that way. I had brought to show him my new Chemistry project on analysis of various items and was reading it out to him. But the chill made me shiver and that could be heard in my voice. Adi listened silently for long and then he just turned back randomly and asked the question. I was rubbing my palms together out of cold. Then Adi stood up and came to me. He touched my forehead to check for fever but there wasnot any.
Adi – “How can you feel cold in such horrible heat?”
Me – “zhahzhahhadda…” I just kept breathing from my mouth feeling cold…
Adi – “there is something wrong with you… wait let me get the thermometer.”
I caught his hand and shook my head.
Me – “You AC has set the room temperature to be 21… am I not supposed to freeze?”
Adi – “no..”
I smiled remembering the exact way he had spoken… just like I had smiled then. A very simple and honest – NO!
Me – “Aren’t you feeling cold?”
Adi was sitting in front of me on the bed and I was still holding his head. To the question, Adi reached for my second hand and now all four palms were caught together pressing each other. He shook his head and then slowly said…
Adi – “Not until you are there with me.”
Probably this is what I miss most about Adi. Why can’t I express myself with the ease he did? He seemed to know the exact time when to speak something and he spoke it perfectly. The timing and the way he spoke his words… also the way he chose them… made you remember his words forever. The time when he had spoken those words, it made the smile fade for a moment to be replaced by love in the eyes. I hugged him and he hugged me back. But that day seems so long lost. Like it was in some previous birth. I knew today I would decline the entire world’s wealth for that one hug but it was the only thing I wasn’t getting!
No comments: